brown girl dreaming

#blacklivesmatter is everywhere these days, and seemingly everyone has an opinion about it. And the fight is ugly. If you had asked me even 2 years ago if I thought we would be living in the 60s again, I would have laughed and thought you meant fashion or the MidCentury Mod furniture design craze.

But nothing about this is funny. People aren’t just getting emotionally wounded, people are dying. And they aren’t just being killed by Joe Blow off the street, but by those sworn to protect us. No matter what side of the fence you’re on…that’s a very scary thing to think about.

As a white woman in America, I mostly keep my mouth shut. While I support #blacklivesmatter, this isn’t my time to speak. My voice is not the one that needs to be heard.

Adult Booklr chose Jacqueline Woodson’s brown girl dreaming for our August Book Club and it could not be more poignant. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about it, since it is a story written in poems instead of prose, but it ended up being incredibly beautiful. It is also a perfect book to release right now. It not only speaks to Black Culture, but it did a lot of good to me as well.

The rest of my review is written, obviously, from a white woman’s perspective. I have not been in the fight. I cannot understand what you are going through. I would love to hear your feelings on this beautiful book, and I hope you will share them with me.

brown girl dreaming is essentially Woodson’s memoir, written from the viewpoint of her as a child in the 1960s. Through her vivid poetry, she talks about growing up in Ohio, South Carolina, and New York, and the differences between prejudices and struggles in each location. She also lays out the foundation of learning to write, her family life, and just growing up as a whole.

Even though the words were spoken with a child’s voice, the wisdom in them was so pronounced. This was a child who saw the world through her pencil–every moment was a word waiting to be written. Her composition notebook was her tool to sort, file, organize the world around her and try to make sense of everything that was happening. For the reader, that notebook, in turn, helps us understand what is happening in our similar world today.

I couldn’t relate to everything she wrote. I grew up in a privileged home, with both parents, in the same house until the end of high school. I very much understand what people mean when they talk about White Privilege now. I can’t say I have never struggled…they are just different struggles.

There were, however, some poems that made my heart expand until I thought it was going to explode. Some made me want to weep. The ones about reading and writing, especially–not knowing how to use those gifts as a kid but just knowing they were there and she had to use them somehow.

Then there were the poems that really spoke to me on a human level. Those shook me. They are the reason I’m writing the review this way–because I really wasn’t sure how I was going to approach it. One of the last poems in the book was this one, called “how to listen #10”:

 

 

 

I think that is the most important thing as a white person in America right now, because we are privileged, whether we can see it or not. It’s a hard thing to admit sometimes–pride is a hard thing to let go of. But we just have to shut up and listen.

 

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The Story of My Life

When I was growing up, Helen Keller was known to me as a little girl who was dealt the worst card imaginable–no sight and no hearing. I had seen the movie at school and it’s brevity made me intensely grateful for my abilities. I’m sure we watched it in an effort to promote our knowledge of diversity–in a small school without a lot of variety, such help was important. But I don’t remember the movie showing much about Keller’s life other than her horrible fits and the triumphant moment at the water pump.

I can’t be alone in that impression, because today Helen Keller has become a horribly offensive meme. Even before memes were a thing, there were crude jokes about her disability–similar to Chuck Norris jokes only cruel instead of badass. The movie meant to show a girl’s victory instead highlighted too much of the bad, not enough of the good. And unfortunately, we are too immature to handle that kind of strength.

Those were the thoughts I had when I picked up The Story of My Life. I wanted to know what actually happened to the little girl at the water pump. There had to of been more, or we wouldn’t still be talking about her.

She wrote the first of her memoirs at 21, while at college. College! School was hard enough for me with all of my faculties, I couldn’t imagine going with two major senses gone–and she does describe the struggles she had. She also goes into as much detail as she remembers of the time before Anne Sullivan arrives on scene (no mention of the water pump), and many other moments in her life.

Her writing is beautiful and insightful. She discusses the importance of education quite a bit, and the beauty of the world from her perspective. It’s a lovely little book–only 100 pages, plus another 100 pages of letters. Definitely worth the read for those interested in memoirs and history in general, or anyone wanting to get to know this amazing figure.

My Stroke of Insight

The brain fascinates me. Everybody’s neurons fire in such different ways and it’s amazing to me how it all works. When things go wrong, the brain reacts in some seriously interesting ways to compensate and heal.

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor was a successful neurological expert at Harvard, with a focus in schizophrenia (and some other things that were far above my intellectual level). One morning, she was getting ready for work when she was struck with crazy waves of euphoria and pain. Her left brain, where our analytical side (and thus, all her neurological study knowledge) resides, was screaming at her that something was wrong. Unfortunately, that side was quickly becoming overwhelmed with a hemorrhage due to stroke. And so, her right side was taking over to compensate. She could see the “bigger picture” but mostly she was overcome with an inner peace, hence the euphoria feeling.

Thankfully, she was able to get help, and thus began an 8 year period of recovery, from a unique perspective of someone who understood the brain. Taylor has written a book of her journey, My Stroke of Insight. She shares the terrifying moments of the day of her stroke, her struggle to regain control of her mind and body, and what life is like now. She also gives a lot of advice for caregivers of stroke patients, since most of us know someone who has had a stroke–but it’s so hard for us to reach them to know what they need or want.

My favorite part about this book is the last few chapters where she talks about how the right brain functions, and how it affected her perspective on life. Because the stroke was in her left side, she spent a great deal of time functioning in her right brain–the “big picture” side. This is the side that gives us meditation, creativity, beauty. She talks a great deal about finding your deep inner peace. For someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, these sections were extremely inspiring to me.

Dr. Bolte Taylor is an extremely courageous woman. I can’t imagine the amount of pain she’s gone through to get to where she is today. My Stroke of Insight is so inspiring, and I would recommend it to anyone who needs to be moved. This will be my meditation for the week, for sure.

She also gave a Ted Talk about her stroke, you can watch it HERE. It’s a really great addition to the book, hear her up close and personal about her experience through her stroke. It’s very emotional, and really shows just how strong and courageous she is.

Airplane Rides: Observations from Above

I have a fear of flying. More accurately, I have a fear of falling.

The take offs and descents, that’s what gets me. Oh, and turbulence. I HATE turbulence. That feeling that the plane is going to drop out of the air at any second…it is torture. Once we are at cruising altitude, I’m generally ok (You know…except for turbulence. Did I mention that I hate turbulence?) But until then, it is white knuckles and my husband telling me to breathe. Same on the way down. Oh god.

I’ve been travelling a lot more since meeting R. Until then, the last time I had flown was as a young teenager, before most of my anxieties kicked in. I was totally not prepared for how much flying would scare me that first time up. Now, at least I’m ready for it, I guess.

Jake Alexander (a pseudonym) has written down 10 stories that were told to him by fellow frequent flyers. Interestingly enough, none were quite as panicked as I am about flying. I guess that would make for a less interesting story (I hate talking on planes). Anyway, somehow all 10 people seriously open up about some pretty real stuff.

This is one of those books that I’m juuuuuust not sure about. There’s some of the stories I liked. Pastor Daniel, flying to New York to take a break from his faith. The goth kid running away from home, so tough, but really she just wants to be loved by her parents.

However, most of the stories had a very real theme running through them. This is very much a MAN’S book. Ladies, don’t look for many feminist themes here. Jake hits on every single female he comes across (except maybe the underage goth girl), including two gay women who clearly have absolutely no interest in him. He is completely wasted nearly every single sentence of this book. Stoli on the rocks. Seriously. There’s only one reason to drink vodka straight. *shudder* He even allegedly convinces a women to masturbate under one of those blankets in a bag while he watches. Ew.

Oh, did I mention that he ALWAYS flies first class? As in, at one point he says he had not flown coach in 10 years. Snooty patooty. He’s also one of those people who bitches out the desk workers, and talks about them as if they were the dirt under their feet. The worker who is a “nineteen-year-old overweight, underpaid child” and “her fate had already been sealed by a fatherless child, an abusive parent, an absent education or maybe all of the above.” You know what, I am sure about this book. Very sure.

I think the moral of this book, if there is one hidden in the liquor and sex, is that slowly through this journey of constant drunken plane travel, he realizes that maybe there’s some greater life out there than this. He has this great epiphany, decides he’s going to change everything. And then at the end of the book (Yeah I know, SPOILER. Trust me, it’s huge, I promise.) he’s had a four day affair with an actress, and he makes her breakfast. WHOA. MINDBLOWING CHANGE. I AM SO IMPRESSED.

I feel like maybe I shouldn’t write reviews at ten o’clock at night. Or maybe I should, this is probably pretty entertaining. At least it is honest. I’ll never be anything but!

Guys, I didn’t love this book, obviously. It did make me outrageously thirsty. But, I’m a gin girl. Sorry Jake.

 

NetGalley provided this ARC for an unbiased review. (This was technically from NetGalley, but it has been out since December 2014. I’m not sure if they consider this an ARC anymore or not.)

Life on the Mississippi

Sometimes you find a book so old and beautiful that it demands to be read. That is how I feel about the beautiful set of 1920s Mark Twains I found recently. They were a steal at $8 a piece and while the leather spines are a bit roughened, it is obvious these have been tucked away on a shelf for a very long time.

 

They have that perfect old book smell–wood, dust, and yellowed pages. And though I have to be very gentle not to crease or tear the stiff paper, I could not get as much joy out of reading these books on a Kindle. I considered it–to save the brittle book, but I’m glad I proceeded. It has been much more of a pleasure this way.

Life on the Mississippi is the memoir of Mark Twain’s time as a cub pilot on a Mississippi River Steamboat. He looks back (for the most part) fondly on all he had to learn and the adventures he found traipsing up and down the big brown river. Then, later, while making his career as a journalist, he returns under the name “Smith” to see how much has changed since the Civil War.

The only other book I’ve read by Mark Twain is Huckleberry Finn, and the dialect in that one is so hard to follow–which is why I haven’t yet read Tom Sawyer. This book is so much different than that. It’s heartfelt, and funny. You get a ton of different voices from all the different people young Samuel Clemens met in his travels. You’ll even find out exactly where his pen name was borne and what it means. This is a lovely, old-fashioned (though it was quite modern at the time–the first manuscript submitted to a publisher that was typewritten) memoir from one of our best American story-tellers. I’m glad I read it, as it will set the stage for his other books.

Good Girl

I geek out about a lot of things, but music has never been one of them. Don’t get me wrong–I like music, and I have really eclectic tastes in music. But mostly I listen to it in the shower, in the car, or when I’m working on something. I almost never listen to it when I’m reading–which is most of the time–or when I’m on the clock–which is the rest.

However, I know some serious music geeks who Good Girl reminded me of. This book has 80s & 90s punk references out the wazoo. Most I didn’t know at all, but The Cure is listed in there, Zepplin…and a whole bunch of garage and grunge and I should stop talking because obviously I don’t know what I’m talking about! Let’s just say if you like true stories about the teenage music scene, you’re going to love this (*nudge* Nicole *nudge*).

Sarah Tomlinson is mostly a ghost writer, with a few journalistic credits. Good Girl is her memoirs of the rocky road she had to take to get to where she is. Her Goth party girl 15 year old college admissions, a tragic school shooting, all kinds of messy daddy issues, and boy after boy after needy fucked up boy.

This is by far one of the darkest and drama packed memoir I’ve ever read. It’s like if Sylvia Plath grew up in the 80s, that’s how much self pity there is in this novel. There is definitely a journey to take, and you can feel Sarah growing stronger, even though she does take some pretty heavy falls.

Good Girl comes out on April 21. This book won’t be for everyone, certainly, but some people are really going to connect with it.

 

NetGalley provided this ARC for an unbiased review.

Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea

Some books have been on my TBR for so long I can’t remember when or why they got added. When I finally get around to reading them, I almost feel obligated, even if I am not interested in them anymore.

Chelsea Handler was one of those. Slapstick humor…not so much my thing anymore. But, who the heck knows how long she’s been on my list. Probably since Are You There, Vodka? came out in 2007. Seems about right. And since it was on audiobook, which is best for these sorts of memoirs, I decided to give it a try.

Raunchy is the only word I can really use to describe it. And while I am not a modest or easily offended person…this one was a bit (ok a bit more than a bit) over the top. Whoa Bessie. This is one of those that will offends in every single way possible. I’m pretty sure it is the entire purpose of the book. And when that’s the only point? It doesn’t make for quality entertainment, in my opinion. I may have smirked a few times, but mostly I just shuddered, and there were quite a few “ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwws.”

No thanks.

Lying

Psychology has always been one of my favorite subjects of study. The brain is such a complicated infrastructure that I never cease to be amazed by its never ending facets. There’s just so much to learn and to discover. I have often wished I were more scientifically inclined so I could study it as more than just a hobby and interest.

Lauren Slater’s so called memoir makes a fascinating case study. At first, she writes simply as a girl with epilepsy, learning how to balance her disorder with puberty. But the further into the book you get…the more you start to realize something is just off about Lauren. Maybe the epilepsy isn’t real. Maybe it is, but she’s exaggerating, as she claims herself to be doing…or maybe you are just trapped in a completely different fantasy of Lauren’s brain.

By the end of the…memoir…it is hard to tell what end is up. What kind of story did I just read? There’s even a chapter to the publisher with instructions on how to market it. Should it be fiction? Nonfiction? Faction?

It makes me think of David Sedaris–who I hate, by the way, because his “nonfiction” is so clearly exaggerated in a very disgusting manner. But this is different, somehow. Lauren is completely upfront with the fact that her fiction is not altogether fact. It’s almost as if she’s trying to figure out herself if her brain is making up her life or if her life is making up her brain.

Either way, if you are interested in the field of psychology at all, this book is definitely a great read. Be prepared for a wild ride that will twist your brain all over the place!

Dear Millie

I guess by now you have figured out that there isn’t a subject that I won’t read about. Nearly every part of the human experience is interesting to me–romance, psychology, war, birth, death, just life in general. People interest me. Everyone has a different story to tell and I want to read them all–fiction and nonfiction.

In this case, Marco Previero has written the true story of his daughter’s fight against a rare form of brain cancer, or at least the first year of it.

His seven year old daughter Millie was diagnosed with a brain tumor after she complained of “fuzzy eyesight.” What she didn’t tell Daddy was that she could just barely see out of her left eye, and no longer had vision at all in her right! Thus began a long and painful journey through lots of doctors and tests and treatments.

Marco’s diaries are very detailed and full of scientific language–it’s obvious he did a lot of necessary research during the course of his daughter’s treatments. This is not “Grey’s Anatomy” doctoring. This is the nitty gritty, really unpleasant, “what happens while those TV surgeons are off doing God-knows-what in on call rooms” stuff. It isn’t really all sunshine and rainbows like our TV-watching brains like to think. I’m sure somewhere in the back of our minds we know that…but it sure is nice not to think about recovery time or reoccurring tumors or the long drawn out and lethal kinds of cancer.

That’s the kind of information Marco gives us in this book. And it is very informational–more than emotional, as I expected it to be. Now, don’t get me wrong, the author definitely discusses his emotions. But he is almost removed from them, as if he is describing someone else. And maybe that is on purpose. I would imagine the stress and grief and everything else a person in Marco’s position would experience would be extraordinarily overwhelming to feel, let alone write about. However, it does come across a little cold and medicinal.

The main purpose of this book is a letter to his daughter. It also thanks a great number of people who helped the family through this difficult time. Those are the first two audiences. Past that, the book is mostly informative, and seems to be directed towards people in a similar situation–families battling cancer. Overall I think it is a well written narrative from an extremely brave father who went to hell and back in a year.

This book is to be released on March 28, 2015.

 

Fulfills PopSugar #26:  A memoir

Disclaimer:  NetGalley provided this ARC for an unbiased review.

Hyperbole and a Half

Depression sucks.

Like literally sucks. It sucks the life out of you–feelings, desires, motivations, all of it. But the apathy is only the second part of depression. First comes the pain. Blinding, draining pain that does all the sucking.

For those of us who experience or have experienced the beast that this sickness is–because it is a real sickness–it can be really hard to put into words how depression feels. How it completely consumes everything. To anyone on the outside, those who have not experienced anything like this…it’s very hard to grasp what exactly is happening.

Allie Brosh has found a way to bring her journey through the darkness to light not only through words but pictures. To say I related to her crude sarcastic sense of humor is an understatement, and I am pretty sure there are creases on the side of the book where I was grasping so tight at certain times because it just relates SO HARD.

Her book Hyperbole and a Half isn’t all about depression–there is quite a bit of comic relief about her dogs and her childhood. But the major chapters, which are taken from her blog (at least parts of them are…I know I’ve read pieces of them there), are very real and very poignant views into the mindset of someone suffering from clinical depression. The anxiety, the self-doubt, the rocky and sometimes nonsensical climb to recovery. It’s all there, in technicolor.

I will say that the book did not end as happily as I needed it to. There was no “YOU CAN DO IT!” mantra at the end. And maybe that’s fitting, because this isn’t exactly a self-help book. Still, the last chapter left me feeling a little…”But, I know I’m a shitty person. I FEEL SHITTY. TELL ME HOW TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL LESS SHITTY!” I dunno, I would have rather had another chapter about too much cake.

That’s my only criticism about the book. It’s a really really great book. It’s an important book–if you’ve ever suffered from depression, or know someone suffering from depression. If you are currently suffering…just be wary of that last chapter. It’s a little dangerous.

 

Because this post is all about depression…guys if you are suffering, please please please ask for help. It’s scary, TRUST ME I KNOW. But the other option leaves so many people without you in their life, and there will be a lot of people missing you, I promise.

If you need help, there are a lot of options, and a lot of people standing by waiting for you to ask:

• Depression Hotline:1-630-482-9696
• Suicide Hotline:1-800-784-8433
• LifeLine:1-800-273-8255
• Trevor Project:1-866-488-7386
• Sexuality Support:1-800-246-7743
• Eating Disorders Hotline:1-847-831-3438
• Rape and Sexual Assault:1-800-656-4673
• Grief Support:1-650-321-5272
• Runaway:1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
• Exhale:After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
• ****INTERNATIONAL NUMBERS****
• Austria:01-713-3374
• Australia:1-800-817-569
• Barbados:429-9999
• Brazil:21-233-9191
• Canada:514-723-4000
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• Italy:06-7045-4444
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• Mauritius:46-48-889 or 800-93-93
• Mexico:525-510-2550
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• Singapore:800-221-4444 or 000-227-0309
• South Africa:0861-322-322
• South Korea:2-715-8600
• Spain:91-459-00-50
• Sri Vincent:1-692-909
• Sweden:031-711-2400
• Switzerland:143
• Thailand:02-249-9977
• Trinidad:and Tobago 868-645-2800
• Ukraine:0487-327715 or 0482-226565
• United Kingdom:08457-90-90-90
• United States:1-800-Suicide (7842433) or 1-800-Talk (8255) or –1-800-827-7571

 

Fulfills PopSugar #40:  A graphic novel